Rules of Engagement: Fair Fighting for Marriage
Volumes 1-3: Understand Conflict, Navigate It Better, and Use It to Strengthen Your Marriage
Created by Chukwuemeka Ajoku
What you'll learn
- Explain how conflict process differs from the surface topic of a marital argument.
- Identify personal triggers, escalation cues, and recurring interaction patterns in a conflict with a spouse.
- Apply self-regulation tools, including a structured time-out and return plan, before and during difficult conversations.
- Use soft start-ups, clear feeling-and-need statements, and specific requests when raising a concern.
- Demonstrate reflective listening, validation, and clarifying questions without abandoning personal boundaries.
- Use repair attempts, apologies, and ed-escalation steps to interrupt destructive arguments in real time.
- Differentiate solvable problems from recurring value-based disagreements and choose an appropriate response for each.
- Negotiate practical agreements on responsibilities, expectations, and follow-up after a conflict.
- Evaluate a recent argument and produce a shared rules-of-engagement plan that helps future conflicts strengthen rather than damage the marriage.
This course includes
- 5h 35m of learning
- 36 lessons
- 10 quizzes
- Access on mobile and desktop
- Full lifetime access
- Certificate of completion
Course content
10 sections • 37 lectures • 5h 35m total length
- Why Conflict Is Normal in Marriage 8m
- Surface Issues Versus Process Problems 9m
- Personal Meaning Beneath the Argument 10m
- Quiz: Lesson 1: See Conflict Clearly 6 questions
- Triggers, Vulnerabilities, and Interpretations 10m
- The Escalation Sequence 10m
- Pursue-Withdraw and Demand-Defend Patterns 9m
- Quiz: Lesson 2: Map How Fights Escalate 6 questions
- Notice Flooding and Loss of Capacity 8m
- Use a Time-Out and Return Plan 11m
- Set Boundaries for Safe Conflict 10m
- Quiz: Lesson 3: Regulate Before You Communicate 6 questions
- Start Softly, Not Harshly 9m
- Use Feelings, Needs, and Specific Requests 8m
- Stay With One Issue at a Time 11m
- Quiz: Lesson 4: Raise Issues So Your Spouse Can Hear Them 6 questions
- Reflect What You Heard 9m
- Validate Without Surrendering Your Position 9m
- Clarify Before You Challenge 10m
- Quiz: Lesson 5: Listen Without Collapsing Into Defence 6 questions
- Recognise Rupture Early 9m
- Make and Receive Repair Attempts 9m
- Apologise and Re-enter Well 9m
- Quiz: Lesson 6: Repair the Argument While It Is Happening 6 questions
- Define the Problem Jointly 11m
- Generate Options and Negotiate Fairly 9m
- Make Agreements and Track Follow-Through 10m
- Quiz: Lesson 7: Solve Solvable Problems Together 6 questions
- Solvable Problems Versus Recurring Differences 10m
- Explore Values, Fears, and Identity Needs 12m
- Compromise Around Limits and Non-Negotiables 9m
- Quiz: Lesson 8: Handle Recurring and Deeper Conflicts 6 questions
- Review Arguments for Learning, Not Blame 10m
- Create Your Rules of Engagement 11m
- Maintain Progress and Seek Extra Help When Needed 10m
- Quiz: Lesson 9: Build a Marriage-Wide Conflict Practice 6 questions
- Final assessment: Rules of Engagement: Fair Fighting for Marriage 12 questions
Requirements
- Be married or in a committed long-term relationship.
- Be committed to working on the relationship rather than waiting only for a spouse to change.
- Be willing to reflect on and change personal conflict habits.
- Be able to practice the tools safely; where there is abuse, coercion, or fear, seek specialist support instead of relying on self-study.
Description
Every marriage has conflict. Couples argue about money, sex, parenting, in-laws, and roles around the home, but many of those arguments stay stuck because the real problem is often not the topic itself; it is how the couple handles conflict. With over 40% of marriages ending in divorce and 33% of couples describing ongoing distress in marriage, this course focuses on the one problem that affects every other problem: conflict communication.
Across nine chapters, you will learn how fights work, how they escalate, how to regulate yourself before speaking, how to raise concerns without attack, how to listen without collapsing into defensiveness, and how to repair, negotiate, and follow through. The course is practical rather than theoretical, with structured exercises, examples, diagrams, and repeatable tools you can use in your next difficult conversation.
This course is for people in a committed long-term relationship who are willing to work on the marriage, including changing their own behavior rather than waiting for their spouse to do all the work. It is not a substitute for specialist support where there is abuse, coercion, or fear.
Instructor
Chukwuemeka Ajoku
- 14 courses
A Skilled Programmer